But God, Why Me?

Do not tell me that you have never looked up in frustration and asked God, "Why me?" We have all had this moment, even if it was brief.

We all face trails and we all go through things that make us wonder why it's happening to us or why it's happening at all. 

One of the first times I ever remember thinking that was when my parents decided to get a divorce and during the events that lead up to it.

During the next two years, there was the divorce, the passing of my sweet cousin who was only ten and the passing of both of my great-grandmothers who I was close to. I pushed God out. I didn't want someone around who would say they love me but cause such suffering.

And it just kept happening.

• I had loved ones define me as weak because I was mourning those recent events. "God, why do you let them say that to me?"

• Going into Jr. High I lost all of my friends and had to start over. "God, why me?"

• I had friends throughout the years that betrayed me and really hurt me. "God, WHY me?"

• I had family members spread rumors about me and that caused total heartache and loss of confidence in myself and trust in others. "God... why me?"

• I had a boyfriend whose pornography addiction made me feel like I was worthless and not enough. "God, why would you let me be in this situation?"

• I have a few loved ones who were/are fighting addiction and I've often fell victim to their substance influenced behaviors. "God, why me? Have I not been through enough?"

• My mother and other loved ones have battled cancer, which is an evil unlike any other I have seen, and I could only stand by and watch. "God, why me and my loved ones?"

I could keep my list going, I could tell you far more intimate moments where I wanted to yell at God - and sometimes, I did. I could keep listing the unfair moments in life and the earth shattering heartbreak we ALL feel from time to time, but you get it. 

LIFE IS HARD AND LIFE IS UNFAIR.

Nowhere in the Manual of Life does it say, "kick your feet up, this will be the easiest thing you ever do" because it's NOT and it won't be. Life is tricky and unbalanced. It's unpredictable and challenging. It will push you until you feel like you just can't take it anymore. And yes, it will still give you sweetness but that never seems to last as long as we'd like. 

Fortunately, I’ve learned some valuable lessons along the way that I share with others every chance I get! Right now, I’ll just share a few.

First, everyone was given the gift of agency - the power to choose. So when I get hurt by others, that’s not God’s doing. He doesn’t entice others to hurt me, they make that decision on their own. This being said, it’s okay to let people go and move forward without them, EVEN when it’s a close friend or relative.

Second, God created man that they might have joy. He allowed us to come to Earth to experience pain so that we might know His eternal joy. 

Third, our trials often allow us to be able to fulfill the covenant we made to "mourn with those that mourn... and comfort those that stand in need of comfort..." (Mosiah 18)

And fourth, He sacrificed His Only Begotten Son so that we could return home to Him, be healed and have EVERY pain we EVER feel, swallowed up by Christ's victory.  

This is again where I ask, “But God, why me?”

God, why would you sacrifice your Only Son to save me? I’m mortal and FAR from perfect. I make mistakes daily!

Why would Jesus Christ suffer more than ANY man can experience, just so that I could live with Him and our Father again?

Why God, would such a selfless act and plan be prepared for a selfish person like me?

I cannot even BEGIN to comprehend the magnitude of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I cannot understand the love that my Heavenly Father and my Brother must have for me to do what they have done. During a testimony from a peer it was said, “The Savior did not perform the Atonement because we deserve it, He performed it because He loves us.”

THAT my friends, is it. HE LOVES US. 

artwork from history.lds.org

So when you go through a trial and you’re asking God, “Why me?” Listen and watch closely as He tells you and shows you the eternal love He has for you.

Looking back, I had to face the trials I did and I still have to face trials now if I really want to become the person God intends for me to be.

• The loved ones that defined me as weak, well they had/have trials of their own and things they had/have not coped with.

• I lost all my friends prior to Jr. High but then when it happened to me twice more, I handled it much better. And truly, each group of friends has taught me some really valuable lessons and now… well now I have friends that are family and THAT’S an amazing blessing to have.

• Though I had friends betray me, I was able to learn lessons that I needed for growth, from each one.

• Even though I had family members act in ways that caused me to lose confidence in myself and trust in others, when I turned back to God I found that confidence and trust almost immediately.  

• Though a boyfriend with a pornography addiction greatly effected my life, I’m being taught daily by my Heavenly Father that my worth comes from Him. I’m learning that what He thinks of me is FAR more important than what anyone else thinks of me and that I AM ENOUGH.

• I have capabilities to love addicts even when they hurt me. Over the last few years, this gift has matured and strengthened me. I’ve learned that I have compassion beyond belief for those struggling with addiction and that it’s just easy for me to love them. That is something that I really love about my personality; even when others worry it’s a weakness… I’m confident it’s a strength!

• Even though cancer and illness is a mortal evil, my eternal perspective and the knowledge of the Atonement has made each trial slightly easier to bear.

These changes in me, these lessons learned, have only been possible because of the healing and teaching powers of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. 

This Atonement allows us to become better people than we have been. It allows us to change and repent DAILY. It allows peace, comfort, healing and blessings to flow into our lives. It allows us to reach our divine potential and overcome barriers that keep us from an exalted eternal life. 

Some days I still ask, “God, why me? How am I possibly worth the suffering the Savior endured?” But I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that HE LOVES ME and HE LOVES YOU. And I know, He would do it again if He was asked to.

Please do not underestimate the power of Jesus Christ in your life. He loves you. He sacrificed His life for you. He needs you on His team. He will ALWAYS beg and plead for you to come unto Him. He will be your Advocate with the Father. So please, LET HIM.